People keep asking me how I’ve managed this spring and I don’t know what to answer. It was hard, I will try to remember that (you always forget how hard something was unless you really think it through). It wasn’t easy and there are friends I haven’t talked to, let alone seen in months and months. I decided back in January that I would cut out everything that isn’t work, studies and exercise. And that I did. What I didn’t expect was to cut out knitting. I figured knitting always happens somehow. And you know what, it doesn’t. Sure, I have 14 projects in different stages of finished but my heart isn’t in any of them. They were made, they took forever, I either blocked them or left them and then forgot about them.
In the beginning it felt weird not to knit. It felt like something was missing and that I would go crazy. Then, slowly but steady, I stopped caring. First I realized I couldn’t knit shawls anymore so I moved on to socks. That worked for quite a while but then I stopped knitting them as well. I could think that I was going to have a nice long evening of knitting, or at least an hour of knitting before bed and then no knitting happened. I picked up the needles and knit two rounds and then I put it down again. I caught myself doing it and picked up the needles again and knit another two rounds and then put it down again. Then I repeated this till it was time to go to bed. And the weird thing it that it’s not bothering me at all. And that bothers me. I’ve lost my mojo and I worry it won’t come back. I don’t have any knitting ideas, there is nothing I want to do and even worse, I don’t even care about the finished projects I already have. I haven’t worn a shawl in forever, I think I lost a wristwarmer the other week but I couldn’t care less. The only action my shawl drawer has seen this spring was when Agnieszka wanted to borrow one of them. I knit during coffee breaks but that’s pretty much it. I don’t log in to ravelry anymore, I don’t search for projects, I rarely buy yarn and I have absolutely no inspiration what so ever. I dread it when my current sock-in-progress is finished because then I don’t know what to do, what to knit. I know what I should knit (baby sweaters!) but I can’t even think of making myself do it. I don’t have the energy to wind yarn, find a pattern or rumble through the stash, let alone dig out some needles. It’s not happening. I might cast on another sock but I’m not sure I would actually finish them, that’s how deep into this I am.
I think that I might be tired and that’s the problem. I need to rest my head and once I’ve had a few quiet days (weeks?) on the couch, hopefully the knitting mojo will come back. Let’s not be worried, yet, let’s cut me some slacks in the knitting department and let’s see what time brings.